Link To a Good Overview on Emotional Abuse and More About Me

   Today I was checking posts on a recovery group I belong to, and one of the members posted this link explaining emotional abuse. This explains it so well, and also has a link to a pdf workbook you can print for free, so I thought I'd share it here.

http://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/what-is-emotional-child-abuse/

   There are so many aspects to the types of abuse I went through growing up that sometimes it feels overwhelming, like "which one should I be working on right now?"  As the author on this blog points out, though, and I hadn't really thought about this before, emotional abuse comes into play with every other kind of abuse. Demoralizing and devaluing a child and making them feel unworthy and like they can't trust what their sensibilities tell them totally primes them for other types of abuse.

   Here is a rundown of the types of abuse I survived:

*Narcissistic Parental Abuse (I was put in scapegoat role)

*Emotional Abuse

*Physical Abuse

*Sexual Abuse

. . .and as a result of all of that, as an adult I now deal with a form of PTSD called Complex PTSD.  I didn't know for the longest time that I had PTSD, and once I started connecting the dots it made sense of difficulties I have had in functioning as an adult.  I "freeze" a lot, and this affects how well I do with keeping up with housework (which I am only recently realizing is a huge trigger for me in and of itself) and other day-to-day things.  I go through periods of times where I do better than others, but for the most part that is really hard for me.

    In addition, besides my own issues, I am married to a wonderful, kind, sweet man who loves me and also has PTSD.  That particular aspect was identified a long time before I realized that PTSD was part of my puzzle, as well; for a long time mine was referred to as "depression."  He is a survivor of satanic ritual abuse (I refuse to capitalize that), which encompasses every other kind of abuse in the systematic, deliberate horrors its perpetrators force upon its child victims to the nth degree. Besides the abuses I have listed above, these victims are also terrorized in more unspeakable ways which include being forced to witness human and animal sacrifice, and sometimes being taken to the brink of death themselves.  My husband was drowned and then recuscitated repeatedly as part of this. As a result of how absolutely horrific all of this was, his PTSD extends into a dissociative disorder. It's a strange feeling to be in both the role of supporter and the one in need of support; when he's having a really bad time I feel like I have to put all my stuff on the back burner to make sure he is okay. Sometimes I wonder how our marriage works, but it does.  We have had to do some adjusting and tweaking along the way and I am having to learn to not fall into a codependent role.  Something that helps, and a blessing I am thankful for, is that we are never down at our lowest at the same time.  The one that is doing the best during the other's dark times pulls up more slack and we manage to keep some balance.  I have been really thankful for this--he pitches in more with housework, etc. during my "freeze" periods and never gives me a hard time about what I don't get done.

    We have two fantastic children.  I am so thankful for them and for the kinds of people they are, for the kinds of people they CHOOSE to be.  As the children of two people who survived trauma and have PTSD they have seen a lot of low points where Mom or Dad isn't doing too swell. They are both young adults who are doing great things with their lives. They are both very strong people who have also endured hard things they shouldn't have as a result of having us as their parents.

    My hope and prayer is that I, my husband, and our children will be able to reach a place of peace and healing in our lives so that this cycle can be broken once and for all on this branch of the family tree.  Not only for future generations, but for US, as well. I have great hope that we can achieve that.

    You know what, I think this is the first time I have just matter-of-factly said up front what all of my issues are, as well as what my husband deals with.  It feels pretty good to be able to just say it like it is; unfortunately, this isn't the kind of stuff you can just share with people.