I posted a little while ago about how much the Disney animated movie Frozen resonated with me. I watched the Demi Lovato music video of the song "Let It Go" again today, and again found myself in tears. I've made a mental note several times to write about my experience the day my husband and I went to see the movie and keep forgetting, so I'm doing it now while I'm thinking about it.
My husband took me to see the movie on December 30, on the heels of what was a very difficult Christmas season and me crying a LOT the night before. I felt so desolate. Besides so many emotional issues, I also became very, very sick the week before Christmas and the virus I had lasted two weeks. I have rarely felt so exhausted in every single way possible, and that's how I was that day. So much of the movie spoke to what I'm going through internally right now. So much with the Elsa character is what I've had to do emotionally my entire life. I'm kind of obsessed with the aforementioned song "Let It Go." And it made me wish I could shoot snow through my fingers. ;) I love the scene where she sings the song and how transformative it is!
Before the movie they showed a preview for Disney's upcoming movie Maleficent. Can you say triggered? I want to see that movie but I need to make sure I am in a damned good place first. I find it slightly terrifying that they are putting that character into live action. Why, you might ask?
I was obsessed with Sleeping Beauty as a little girl. I was born in 1966, and so a lot of the storybooks I had were those huge Big Golden Books they had of the Disney stories back then; richly illustrated and columns of text on every page. I couldn't get enough of Sleeping Beauty and by the age of 3 I had the entire book memorized, down to when to turn the page and where to focus my eyes. I fooled a babysitter into thinking I could read when I was three, asking her if she wanted me to read her a story. When my parents came home she said, "Did you know she can READ???" and told them how I had read her the Sleeping Beauty book. Anyway. I loved that book and I loved the movie when I saw it at about the age of 5. I realized several years ago that not only was I in love with the story, but I identified myself with the Princess Aurora character and in my little mind I identified my mother with Maleficent. That is how scared of my mother I was. When they played the preview for this upcoming movie I had tears rolling down my face. Great date, huh?
My poor husband. He tries so hard. When he first came home with the preview for Maleficent saved on his iPad he was really excited to show it to me because he knows I love Sleeping Beauty. Part of my Inner Child nurturing has been collecting Sleeping Beauty figures and vintage items from when the movie was first made. He has given me Sleeping Beauty figurines to add to my collection and last year purchased the Thomas Kinkade print for me. He wasn't expecting me to look sick to my stomach. Angelina Jolie plays the character and it looks like she is going to do a fantastic job, which makes it that much more chilling.
Hubby didn't realize fully why it was so upsetting to me; to him it was just really cool that they were going to put the Sleeping Beauty story into live action. We talked for awhile and I explained to him that as a child, when I would look at those pictures of Maleficent in my book, I saw my mother. Some of the expressions I would see on my mother's face and the coldness I would hear in her voice at times, as well as the coldness I was treated with at times, matched. And as I learned about God and the devil at church, I associated the devil with Maleficent. How much worse can it get in a child's mind than an adult who wants to kill a baby or a child? It doesn't get scarier than that. So if Maleficent looked like the devil to me and what she did felt like things my mother did, Mother=Maleficent=Devil. To me I was living with the devil. And if I didn't do things exactly right she WOULD hurt me.
So, yeah. That movie is going to be spooky on some levels for me, but I expect that I will also gain some insights that will help me with my healing since the story is so significant to me.
I did come away from Frozen feeling a sense of empowerment. I wanted to get the soundtrack afterward but they were out at Walmart. We stopped by Barnes and Noble because there was a book I wanted to pick up. My husband surprised me as I was going through the section of books I was in by handing me a clear bag with the deluxe soundtrack in it, and he had tears in his eyes. I am blessed to be married to such a sweet, supportive man. He had told me he was going to another section while I browsed and stopped by the music section first, where they only had three left. I listened to it over and over again after we got home.
I did come away from Frozen feeling a sense of empowerment. I wanted to get the soundtrack afterward but they were out at Walmart. We stopped by Barnes and Noble because there was a book I wanted to pick up. My husband surprised me as I was going through the section of books I was in by handing me a clear bag with the deluxe soundtrack in it, and he had tears in his eyes. I am blessed to be married to such a sweet, supportive man. He had told me he was going to another section while I browsed and stopped by the music section first, where they only had three left. I listened to it over and over again after we got home.
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