How Early Maternal Bonding and Trauma Affect Nervous System Development; The Link to Chronic Illness and Physical Responses to Stress

    I found this site almost by accident earlier last year; this was before I made the narcissism connection.  It gave me some unexpected answers as to why my body responds the way it does to stress.  For the longest time I would refer to this thing that would happen to me that I called "freezing" where internally I felt paralyzed and couldn't do anything.

    She talks about the role maternal bonding plays in the development of the nervous system, even while the baby is still in the womb.  It doesn't finish developing until age 6, I think (it's been awhile since I read through all of this and I'm dealing with a lot of brain fog right now, so I may be wrong on the exact age).  Lack of emotional bonding in utero causes the baby's nervous system to already be underdeveloped at birth, and trauma in utero and in early childhood further disrupts that development.  Finding this gave me a lot of "aha" moments that helped me to make sense of physical responses I've had throughout adulthood that didn't make sense to me.  When the freeze responses started I had trouble even doing my dishes and did a lot of guilting, telling myself I was lazy and just not wanting to get things done.

    The link I'm providing  takes you to a page that gives kind of an overview, and then if you click on the links on the left sidebar you'll find more information.  When you click on "theory" it will put up more links that explain the responses.

    I've been told that my mother had no emotional connection to me whatsoever when she was pregnant with me.  After delivery she just wanted to sleep, and back then they just whisked the babies back to the nursery anyway. I have a lot of indications that she didn't rock me, etc. and was frustrated when I cried a lot (my stomach hurt all the time.  I actually have a memory of standing in my crib crying and her coming in and scolding me to stop). By age three I had been sexually abused at least once (but I strongly suspect I had been on multiple occasions by that time), and when I was four and a half I was raped by one of my uncles (father's half brother).  All this in addition to being yelled at and belittled all. the. time. So it makes sense that not only was I born with an underdeveloped nervous system, but the further development that takes place after birth was disrupted not just once from a traumatic event but many times.

    A lot of things clicked when I read all of this.  My fight or flight response was always activated and so as an adult it can get triggered by seemingly small stressors, registering those smaller things as much bigger issues than they are.  When this happens it elicits some of the extreme responses she talks about.  This was the first time I had seen the term "freeze" used and to describe what happens to me.

http://www.veroniquemead.com/somatic_bkgd.php